Baby Fever? Lets try Baby Rabies...

I can't take credit for the phrase "baby rabies", it is a great blog! But to say that I have baby fever, well, is a huge understatement. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I started making babies way too early, lets just roll with that. Art Director (AD) husband and I will be celebrating three years of wedded bliss in one short week.

Oh who am I kidding? Bliss? Yeah. NO. Don't get me wrong, AD and I love each other, but holy shit is being married a trip or what? After three years we are just now figuring out what we are doing, and then some huge idiot I go and decide - hey, let's talk about having baby #2! Yes, NUMERO DOS. Because baby 1? Well, she isn't so much a baby anymore. (Yesterday I told her about my blog, and we discussed what her code name would be, and she thinks it should be Drama. No joke. She even told her Mimi about it, "Momma call me Drama, cause I am.") Drama is 2 years and 3 months old and she never fails to live up to her name.

AD and I waited to have sex before we got married (more on that later). And so our first night was as it should be - passionate awkward. And no one REALLY gets pregnant the first time they have sex, right? But wouldn't ya know, that boy's swimmers were determined, and nine months later, out comes Drama via the most pointless cesarean known to man kind.

Fast forward to today. Drama has been asking for a sibling for about a month now, and of course I am not allowing my 27 month old to determine when we have another child. I just really really feel like now is a good time for another member of our family. AD? Not so much. See, he's the worrier. The "we have to make a budget and stick to it or the world will end" kind of guy. And I love that about him, because I am not that way, and we definitely balance each other out.

So we had put off trying to conceive (TTC) because I didn't have insurance. I might have rabies, but I not an idiot. No insurance with history of two cesareans means that the cost of my pregnancy, labor and all, could have been the down payment on a really nice house. In Miami. On July 1, AD got a new job, leaving the world of freelancing graphic designer to a real, steady, LEGIT job. Insurance started immediately, and I am sure you can guess - I started  planning.

I talked to AD and somewhere in our conversation, I must have stopped listening, because I heard: Ok, we can try. Apparently, I need to listen more (crap). After shedding many tears, and coming to the realization that we do need to work on our communication, we have a plan. More than one. A plan to work on learning how to talk to each other, so that big issues don't go undiscussed and little issues don't become big ones. We also made a few lists - Things to do before TTC, Things we NEED for a new baby, and Things we WANT for a new baby. To do before TTC - make a budget that includes our new mortgage payment and saving up for a bigger second car, talking to my OB-GYN (who was my Dr. for my adoption) about our options and the costs associated with our options, and talking to our insurance company about what they cover, and what we would need to pay. Thank God none of it is brain surgery, and two thirds of it I can do on my own.

Things we need for a baby are simple, diapers, maybe some clothes (depending on gender). We would need a new mattress for Drama, because she has a big girl bed waiting for her once our house is finished. Things we want - a double stroller, and a changing table/dresser. Yep, that's it. And knowing AD's family (they are all about being fair) we will get everything we need, and some of the things we "want". AD and I are completely capable of getting these things ourselves, but AD's mom just HAS to be fair, so we would get it or we would be on an eternal guilt trip.

So, blog, I am discouraged. AD is great at over thinking things, and I am afraid that means he will never be fully prepared for another child. I am super thankful that he wants another one. He is so great with Drama, and he knows his chances are slim of getting a boy, and he still wants another baby. Deep down inside, I know that when the timing is right, it will happen, and it will be perfect. But for now, my heart is broken. I got my hopes up too high, too fast.

Goodnight, friends.